Monday, September 14, 2009

It rained and then it poured.

Last week was a rough one for me. My kids were crazy at school and I was experiencing a lot of self-doubt (once again). I fell asleep early on Friday night out of pure exhaustion, but had high hopes of getting a lot accomplished on Saturday. I started Saturday off with a 4 mile run in the rain with Molly then went to our favorite place "Legal Grounds" in Lakewood. I did this to get my mind off of my job for awhile. That afternoon I decided to go work at school. I hadn't had time to make my lesson plans for the following week yet and I had a ton of materials to prepare. Just as I was about to be done, I decided to laminate some of the things I had made. I heated the machine up and then placed my things in to be laminated, but instead of everything coming out the back, it managed to curl back up inside the machine. I panicked. I had already messed the machine up once before and I was so embarrassed. I also was so upset that I was causing the "laminator fixer lady" extra work to be done on a Monday morning. Could I feel any less out of control right now? I freaked out, cried, and felt like I could never show my face at school again. (OK, looking back on this now, it seems quite extreme, but I'm just relaying how I actually felt at the time) Then I decided I would call the "laminator fixer lady" on Sunday but I was SOOO nervous. I didn't want to disappoint her and sever a relationship with her. (back story: she had advised me previously not to use the machine after my first mishap). At this point I am so deep in stress and feeling blue that I couldn't even go to church on Sunday. Then I ended up working at my school cleaning all day Sunday with Ross's help and organization skills. (he is truly amazing). Finally, I get in touch with "Laminator fixer lady" and she had grace on me! I mean, she was firm...but gracious. And I could tell that things were going to be ok. All my stress about that situation was suddenly lifted off of my shoulders. She was merciful and kind and everything else wonderful that I needed right then. Things were starting to look up. Today is Monday and I am thanking God for a really wonderful day. My kids had a great day despite being cooped inside all day with the rain. It was the first day for one student not to shrill "I need a break" "I'm mad" or "It's too loud" or escape the classroom and another student pooped in the potty for the first time EVER. I was on cloud 9! Then to ice the cake, I got home around 8 pm to find a package from my mother. She got me a "first day of school" present that she had forgotton to give to me. It couldn't have arrived on a more perfect day. A new purse! Seriously, how do mom's know these things? I just had a breakdown this weekend because my nasty purse was falling apart and had holes all over causing me to lose things. (Ok, let's be honest, the breakdown was more because I was just stressed and irritable...but the purse just happened to be what I blamed my anger on).
So, it's still rainy and wet outside and I know full well that tomorrow my kids might scream and poop their pants, but God is good and shows us his mercy and kindness continually. Something He's teaching me in this new season, is that I've got to keep praising Him in the storm instead of questioning Him all the time. I know He's teaching me in this whole process and I need to draw closer to Him instead of trying to isolate myself. Thank you Lord for you patience and keep working on me. I know I have a lot to learn!

1 comment:

  1. Love you so much Emily! You are an incredible teacher to these kids. God is using you in a great way to impact these hearts, whether you see it or not. You are AWESOME!