Who would have thought I could be a "lactivist"?

Who would have thought that I would become a "lactivist"? How is it that something that I really didn't give much thought about my entire life could be such a hot topic for me now? I guess because prior to having a baby and being a nursing mom I didn't pay much attention to the way that each mother chose to feed her baby. I think I remember times as a child that I witnessed women nursing in public and got the nervous giggles...because I was a child and thought it was funny to see part of a boob I guess. Thankfully once I became an adult, I matured beyond that and ceased to find humor in seeing a baby being fed. Now that I have taken a ride on the motherhood rollercoaster, I have a whole new perspective on the issue and am blown away by our society's views and often ignorance on breastfeeding. Case in point...the recent Target Scandal. And reading the almost 800 comments, mostly negative and hateful, towards breastfeeding mothers.

Here's how I see it: The way a mother chooses to feed her baby is her own decision and thankfully we have a legal right to nurse in public or I'm sure places would be kicking us out left and right. I personally would LOVE to always have a private place when I'm in public to nurse but unfortunately that is typically not the case. I have found back corners of restaurants, back hallways of businesses,  have sat in my car on numerous occasions, and have made all sorts of curtains/shields on airplanes thanks to whoever sits by me.  Of course, I think it's a good idea to cover yourself as much as possible; I am a modest woman. However, I do realize that sometimes it's hard to wear a nursing cover with a fidgety baby like my own. I just want people to know that as much as they don't want to see a nursing woman in public, I don't want them looking at me anyway....so wouldn't the world  be a more peaceful place if people would mind their own business and not look! That would benefit us all!

So, does it make me a "lactivist" because I want to be able to feed my baby when he's hungry despite where we are? I wouldn't think so...but it seems I've had to become one. There are too many nay-sayers out there and this is a cause worth fighting for. It's hard enough to make the decision to breastfeed without all the negativity from people who should not have a say in the matter and women need support, encouragement, and praise for making a healthy choice for their babies.

Here's my sweet boy after being nursed to sleep on a flight. I'm sure the same people who are annoyed that I nursed in public would have also been annoyed to hear him cry the whole flight had I not nursed him. Thankfully, God has blessed me on every flight with a pro-breastfeeding person to sit by...how blessed am I!!

Dear Julian...

Oh my goodness, 6 month old Julian! You are such a little handful! Your energy and spunk amaze me! Did I mention how gosh darn adorable you are? Everytime I look at you, I think to myself, "WOW, you couldn't be any cuter!"  What amazes me the most is your personality. You are a very funny guy. You like making the silliest noises and imitating me all the time. You love to laugh. You actually crack up at me all the time...like the real belly laughter. You have the brightest smile and you definitely make your presence known in a room....or building.  People are drawn to you and I really think you are going to shine LIGHT into people's lives throughout your lifetime. You are passionate and you love life. You love getting into everything and don't want to miss a thing...which is why it can be hard to contain you and to get you to sleep. While this wears Mommy out sometimes, I don't want you to lose your zeal.

I am praying that you'll be a passionate lover of Jesus all your days and you'll bring His light to dark places. I'm praying that you will be a great influencer for Christ and lives will change because of the HOPE that you can show people.

Love you, precious boy!

Food, Glorious Food.

When Julian was just about 6 months old, we introduced him to "solid food". We wanted to exclusively breastfeed him for 6 months as the AAP recommends and then start building his food repertoire. We first introduced him to an avocado. I mashed it up and mixed it with breastmilk until it was a puree consistency and fed it to him with a spoon. In this first experience, Julian had no idea what to do with the food in his mouth. His tongue immediately pushed it back out upon several of the offers and the other times the puree just kind of floated around in there before being drooled out. I decided he maybe wasn't totally ready for solids yet, but that we could keep trying a little each day just for fun and to give him the practice of moving food around in his mouth. Since then we've tried purees of the following: more avocado, peas, squash, carrots, and bananas. He has made some progress. He no longer demonstrates tongue thrust and he opens his mouth to receive the food more frequently. However, he just hasn't seemed too interested in spoon feeding and only eats a few offers before leaning back/closing lips/playing with whatever he can reach. Our best experience with purees was with the bananas (I'm guessing because they are sweeter). Another technique I used was giving him food that he could hold and manipulate on his own without me doing any of the work (other than supervising and guiding). I gave him large pieces of banana and avocado and also some mashed up banana and avocado to play with. The goal was to let him explore independently and let the feeding experience be more baby-led. It was fun although not much "eating" happened.  Today was our most successful experience so far. I cut up slices of apples and let him hold them and suck on them himself. He LOVED it and sucked on them for several minutes. Then to combine textures and tastes, I smeared avocado puree on the apples for him to lick and suck.  To my surprise, he liked it too. Then I was able to give him mashed up avocado bites on a spoon in between his apple sucks. Once again, he readily accepted. We are having so much fun playing with our food!!

Breast Success.

In my last post, I wrote about my woes with breastfeeding. Julian wasn't nursing well and I was so exhausted from pumping all the time. Since then there's been a HUGE turn-around! On October 31, upon Ross's and my return from our nightmarish trip to Boston, Julian readily accepted my breast when I offered it to him. It was the best welcome home gift I could have ever asked for! From that moment on, he began nursing. What?? Who ever heard of a 5 month old, go back to the breast after being bottle-fed most of his life. It's like he knew exactly what I needed. Even though we had just returned from Boston, we were leaving the very next day to fly to St. Louis to see my dad in the hospital. While we were in Boston, he was in a work accident, was electrocuted with 7200 watts of electricity, and although, badly burned, survived.  Julian, my family, and I were basically living in the waiting room of the Burn Unit in the hospital waiting on updates from doctors and nurses on how he was doing. It would have been a nightmare trying to pump in the hospital, keep bottles sanitized, and keep milk refrigerated and Julian must have known that I needed him. He nursed the whole trip! I felt such a sense of accomplishment...not that I did anything special for this to happen, but just accomplished that I didn't give up. And I felt sooo proud, and still feel so proud, of Julian every time he nuzzles up to me to eat. There is such a payoff now. Before, breastfeeding was like a thorn in my side but now it brings me so much joy. I have a renewed passion for breastfeeding and a renewed confidence to nurse in public. On all of our trips home to Illinois, I get some sort of criticism about breastfeeding. From, "Ewww" + gagging face and noises to "Just give him some formula".  But it just fuels my fire to keep doing it. I am loving this poem from Peaceful Parenting....Breastfeeding to the tune of Dr. Suess. (Author Unknown)

Would you nurse him in the park?

Would you nurse him in the dark?

Would you nurse him with a Boppy?

And when your boobs are feeling floppy?

I would nurse him in the park,

I would nurse him in the dark.

I’d nurse with or without a Boppy.

Floppy boobs will never stop me!

Can you nurse with your seat belt on?

Can you nurse from dusk till dawn?

Though he may pinch me, bite me, pull,

I will nurse him 'till he’s full.

Can you nurse and make some soup?

Can you nurse and feed the group?

It makes him healthy strong and smart,

Momma’s milk is the right start!

Would you nurse him at the game?

Would you nurse him in the rain?

In front of those who dare complain?

I would nurse him at the game.

I would nurse him in the rain.

As for those who protest lactation,

I have the perfect explanation:

Momma’s milk is tailor made

It’s the perfect food, you need no aid.

Some may scoff and some may wriggle,

Avert their eyes or even giggle.

To those who can be cruel and rude,

Remind them breast’s the perfect food!

I would never scoff or giggle,

Roll my eyes or even wiggle!

I would not be so crass or crude,

I KNOW that this milk’s the perfect food!

Making just the amount that we need

Perfect temp for every feed.

There’s no compare to milk from breast -

It's real baby food! No contest.

Those sweet nursing smiles are oh so sweet,

Momma’s milk is such a treat.

Human milk just can’t be beat.

Oh, I will nurse, in any case,

On the street or in your face.

I will not let my baby cry,

I’ll meet his needs, I’ll always try.

It’s not about what’s good for you,

It’s for my babies, through and through.

I will nurse him in my home,

I will nurse him when I roam.

Leave me be lads and ma’am.

I will nurse him, MOM I AM.

Haha..here we are in the hospital with our first battle with breastfeeding. Julian was in the deepest sleep and could not be woken up to eat. Here we are trying skin to skin and syringe feeding...because I felt so pressured to feed the baby! I had pumped some colostrum to feed him and the nurses backed off about giving him formula or sugar-water. 

EP-ing: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

EP-ing, a term I wish I didn't even know, stands for "Exclusive Pumping". My Medela Pump In Style Advanced was at one time my best friend. When my baby wasn't latching when we were still in the hospital and I didn't want to be accused of starving my child, I was able to pump some of my liquid gold and give it to Julian in a syringe. When one of my nipples became so cracked and the open wound made it unbearable to nurse, the pump made it possible for me to still express milk and keep up with giving Julian my milk. But on the other hand, all that drama has made Julian prefer the bottle to the breast from the beginning of his life and making it a battle between him and I from day one.  I would LOVE nothing more than to be able to nurse this child for as long as my milk is flowing, but it's just near impossible to nurse him! Sometimes he'll nurse in the middle of the night and sometimes if I've been home with him all day he'll be patient enough for the breast, but the vast majority of the time, he will just refuse by arching his back, crying, head butting me, hitting me, and doing whatever he can to try to escape me.  So, the pump, although a double-edged sword, has allowed me to keep giving my baby breast-milk.

Now, let's just talk about the picture I shared above. It is sooo not like this. Unless you wear button down shirts and bras with holes in the front...this is not how it looks! Also, are you really going to just sit out in the living room with your shirt wide open and suction cups sucking milk from your body and your stomach that has just birthed a baby out there for all the world to see? I guess if it's just you and the baby maybe so, but it seemed like for me, there was always someone in and out of my house, which puts me back in a bedroom alone with my pump. Sob story, sorry.

We're 4 1/2 months into this mothering thing and I'm so glad he's gotten the food that nature has intended for him. I am just wondering how much more of this I can take!!! I feel sooo tied down to this pump.    It makes it so hard to just relax because I'm always trying to squeeze in pumping session and making sure I have enough milk ready to go for him. That noise, and if you've ever pumped, you know what I'm talking about, just makes me cringe. Hauling around that stupid bag , washing the flanges a bajillion times a day, and then having to wash bottles as well, is sucking the life out of me. (no pun intended).

So are there any other moms out there who also have this dilemma. Anyone else out there pumping in silence? Well, I just wanna say, that we're in this together...if you exist. And I'm still not giving up! When I think I can't hook myself up to that darn machine one more time...I just do it and then again and again, because what's the alternative? I am not ready to deprive my baby of the best source of nutrition out there. Knowing that I willingly stopped giving Julian all the enzymes and antibodies that fight off infection is just not something I can let myself do right now. So, I'll keep pumping away and be thankful that I am able to give my baby the health benefits of breastmilk. Just look at this healthy boy! :)

Cry It Out...no more.

After 2 sleepless weeks of trying to get Julian to Cry It Out. I am reverting to our more peaceful previous approach. Maybe I'll be waking up to feed him more, but at least he won't be damaging his vocal folds from crying for hours.  Julian, Mommy's num nums are back. Here's my new inspiration:  

Mother, O' Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth.

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,

Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek - peekaboo.

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,

And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo.

But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Friday Favorites

1. "She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."   Proverbs 31:25


A friend shared this with me today and I was very blessed by it. There are so many times in mommyhood when I'm feeling lots of anxiety, but I am working to find a positive confession each day even when I'm not totally feeling it. This verse is what I'm striving for. 

2. Coos and goos.


Even though Julian has a runny nose, cough, and fever for the first time today, he has been singing a sweet and tired tune all day. I love this little man. 

3. My sister.


She is the ultimate servant and has helped me in countless ways the past 4 months without a grumble.  I do not deserve her, but I am so blessed by her and thankful for her presence here in Dallas. This week she babysat Julian for me on Wednesday. Then she stayed all night because I wanted her to watch a tv show with me but we weren't able to start it until super late (courtesy of Julian). Then she helped Ross and I in the wee hours of the morning, when Julian decided to cry from 4am-6am.  It doesn't end there...she ended up staying most of Thursday with me even though she needed to prepare for her friend coming into town because I was in a total funk and she just knew I needed a companion. She did my laundry, my dishes, and washed Julian's bottles numerous times. 

4. Cookie dough. 


When all else fails:  pre-made cookie dough. Probably not the best choice, but it met a need for me yesterday.