To all my mommy friends: you are great moms!

To the mom who's breastfeeding: Way to go! It really is an amazing gift to give your baby, for any amount of time that you can manage! You're a good mom.

To the mom who's formula feeding: Isn't science amazing? To think there was a time when a baby with a mother who couldn't produce enough would suffer, but now? Better living through chemistry! You're a good mom.

To the cloth diapering mom: Fluffy bums are the cutest, and so friendly on the bank account. You're a good mom.

To the disposable diapering mom: Damn those things hold a lot, and it's excellent to not worry about leakage and laundry! You're a good mom.

To the mom who stays home: I can imagine it isn't easy doing what you do, but to spend those precious years with your babies must be amazing. You're a good mom.

To the mom who works: It's wonderful that you're sticking to your career, you're a positive role model for your children in so many ways, it's fantastic. You're a good mom.

To the mom who had to feed her kids from the drive thru all week because you're too worn out to cook or go grocery shopping: You're feeding your kids, and hey, I bet they aren't complaining! Sometimes sanity can indeed be found in a red box with a big yellow M on it. You're a good mom.

To the mom who gave her kids a homecooked breakfast lunch and dinner for the past week: Excellent! Good nutrition is important, and they're learning to enjoy healthy foods at an early age, a boon for the rest of their lives. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the kids who are sitting quietly and using their manners in the fancy restaurant: Kudos, it takes a lot to maintain order with children in a place where they can't run around. You're a good mom.

To the mom with the toddler having a meltdown in the cereal aisle: they always seem to pick the most embarrassing places to lose their minds don't they? We've all been through it. You're a good mom.

To the moms who judge other moms for ANY of the above? Glass houses, friend. Glass houses. 
I found this post on blogher.com and loved it!

The Birth Story: Part 1

I've been wanting to post our birth story from the day it happened, but seriously, blogger moms, how on earth do you find the time to do this!!! Anyway...better late than never! Part One is the back story of my L&D and Part Two will be all about the actual L&D.

In the weeks leading up to my delivery day I was just praying and praying that I'd go into labor on my own and not have to be induced. My specialist had been saying all along that he didn't want me to go past 37 weeks due to the fact that my twins were monochorionic, meaning they share the same placenta. These types of pregnancies are higher risk than others and statistics show increased problems occurring in pregnancies that go past 37 weeks...not that I buy into all that negative talk, but that's just what doctors will tell you. My own instinct and conviction was that both of my babies were doing fine and I knew that I was doing fine...no swelling, perfect blood pressure, normal weight gain, etc. At this point, I was having a BPP (bio-physical profile) every 3 days so someone could have an eye on the babies. Each time they scored 8 out of 8...my little all-stars! I was always so proud of them! However, 3 weeks prior to delivery my specialist detected some discrepancy in their sizes during their growth scan. Baby A was measuring smaller than Baby B. I wasn't too concerned because I knew that the measurements could be off by as much as a pound and I just had conviction from the Lord that the babies were just fine.  Week 37 came and I was scheduled to deliver on that Wednesday morning. I was absolutely not ready....I didn't feel ready physically and I didn't have peace about it. I was scheduled to see my OB, Dr. Crochet, on Monday and I was praying that she would hear my concerns and be ok with letting me wait another week. Just as the Lord had answered EVERY SINGLE PRAYER throughout the pregnancy, he answered this one as well. It was the easiest conversation ever and my doctor even agreed with me that we didn't need to rush things as I was progressing so well naturally. At this point I was 3 cm dilated and probably 60% effaced. I had been walking a ton and was having tons of Braxton Hicks contractions. Prayers answered....Dr. Crochet said see you next Monday. At this point, I could tell my body was really getting close to being ready...I won't be too graphic, but things were happening. I continued envisioning myself going into labor....feeling that first painful contraction and calling Ross at work to come home or calling his parents to come pick up Julian.  Then I got a call on Wednesday. Apparently my sweet specialist, Dr. Magee, whom I loved, found out I didn't get induced that morning and said I needed to come see him.  I arranged for my sister in law to come with me and I nervously went. I hate disappointing people...especially people I like. Anyway, he did a growth scan and promptly told me that Baby A was 4 lbs 13 oz and Baby B was 7 lbs 13 oz and that I needed to go straight to labor and delivery.  I started feeling a little worry (mostly because baby A had measured 4.13 three weeks prior as well), but was able to cling to my original conviction that those measurements were off.  I even asked him to remeasure but the results were the same...actually a little worse. Then I just felt this peace that everything was going to be ok...even if I had to be induced. I knew my body was so close to going into labor on my own...unlike my experience with my first child. I asked Dr. Magee to call my OB while I was there to see what her response was and of course she acknowledged his concerns and agreed with his recommendation. So, I called Ross and had him come home from work then drove back to my house to pack a bag, eat a meal, and love on Julian before heading back to the hospital around 5 pm to check in at L&D. 

                                

  Here we are loading up in the car to go to the hospital on 3/20/13.  Look at that BIG BELLY!!! Stay tuned for Part Two: The Birth. :)

Sam & Miles: Month One

Yesterday marked ONE MONTH in the life of the twins. Wow, what a journey it's been the past 8 months! Time has flown from the time we were told I was pregnant with twins until their one month birthday! Here's just a quick update:

Eating: Nursing is going great! Both babies have been fabulous latchers and eaters from day one.  I am so thrilled. This past week I began feeding them on a 3 hours schedule and I love it. It has made life so much easier for me and the babies are in a much better groove since extending the feedings from 2 hours to 3 hours. Now when they get a little fussy around the 2 hour mark I'm seeing that they are really just tired and need to sleep instead of eat again.  It has seemed to help their nights too as they are sleeping more soundly and not waking as often in between feedings.

Sleep: Both are sleeping a ton during the day and have a fussy period in the late evening that lasts a few hours. They are consolable and don't cry the entire time....they each take their turn!! Currently they are sleeping together either in their crib or their pack n play at nighttime. During the day they bounce between the  crib, bouncers, pack n plays, and peoples arms.  Yesterday a friend gave me a Fisher Price Rock n Play Sleeper that I'm excited to start using too.  At night they initially were waking up often in between feedings but the past few night they've had some 3 and even a 4 hour stretch without waking. This has been amazing for Mama!!

Fun Stuff: We've been on 2 stroller walks with all three kiddos. One trip to the post office with Aunt Dana and one trip to White Rock Coffee with Daddy. The twins use the Double Snap n Go by Baby Trend and Julian uses his own single stroller. So, obviously I need 2 people to go on a stroller ride...this may be a problem in the future and I'm considering my options for a triple stroller. Any suggestions?

We made our debut at church yesterday on their one month birthday. Daddy was playing bass all morning at church and I was not up for wrestling all 3 kiddos at home alone. People kept telling me how brave I was to bring all three of my children to church by myself but I think it would have been more courageous to have stayed at home! I knew at church I could drop Julian off at childcare and then hangout with the twins in the nursing moms room. Church felt like a safe place for me! And it was a successful and fun outing...although exhausting. Then again, anything and everything in the past month has been exhausting. 

Hard Stuff: Julian has come a long way with adjusting to life as a big brother. He understands they are here to stay now and loves touching them....a little too much. I can tell its been hard on him having to share mommy. He initially was throwing lots of fits, but those have for the most part stopped.  We are working through how to handle his roughness with the babies. We want to encourage him to love on them, but there is a fine line between love and aggression with Julian. There have been lots of squeezing, suffocating, and toy throwing incidents....but I think it's going pretty well for the most part considering Julian is just 22 months old.

Things I want to remember: People have been so wonderful. My mom, sister, and mother-in-law have taken turns staying overnight with us to help with the twins during the night. They've changed countless diapers, done loads of laundry, and helped to entertain Julian.  Our friends have been amazing about bringing us meals. I have not had to fix a single meal since the twins were born other then heating up the occasional leftover or making a sandwich. It has been a tremendous help to us because I would not be making time to cook myself. What a blessing it's been to have delicious home-cooked meals without having to lift a finger. People have just been so generous and have gone out of their way to check in on us and offer help whether that means stopping at the grocery store for us, holding a baby, taking Julian for a playdate, or taking out our trash. I am just floored by the outpouring of love and support we've received from friends, family, and neighbors. I want to say it takes a village to raise twins and a toddler, but I know that some people out there don't have that luxury and I know I am blessed beyond measure to have such a great network. Because of all the help, I've been able to enjoy my newborns without so much stress. 

The boys are so strong. They move their heads around during tummy time. They LOVE being held. They like cuddling and being held tight. They like facing inward to be tummy to tummy with mommy. It is SO SWEET! They both grunt a lot but Sam does it the most. We call him "the grunter". 

Stats: At their one month appointment:

Sam: 8 lbs. 9 oz.

         20.75 inches

Miles: 9lbs 11oz.

          21.5 inches

Dr. Naidoo says they are both doing great and he was very impressed with their weight gain!

*Ok, finally got the pictures uploaded. :)

Have you lost that lovin' feeling?

I have historically not been a huge Valentine's Day fan. In high school, I just cringed at all the flowers and jewelry being given to girls in between classes. All that "love" in the air was just enough to make me want to throw up. I know I sound like the grinch of Valentine's Day and truth be told I probably was. My disgust for Valentine's Day was probably rooted in some jealousy and some self-protection...if I don't want it then it won't hurt as much when I don't get it. But despite that, I still felt that so many people were missing out on TRUE LOVE and reveling in the feeling of LOVE. 


When Ross and I started dating and eventually were married, we both agreed that Valentine's Day was kind of annoying and a "made-up" holiday, however we still enjoyed using it as an excuse to dress up and go out to a nice dinner. Ross, being the free-spirited one, does not like the idea of "one-day" designed for all people to express love for one another. That is too confining for him. At the same time, he still allows us to celebrate it because we do love each other.  


Fast-forward to this Valentine's Day...I am married and have an 8 month old baby. I have the two loves of my life. I am often tired, disheveled, running behind, and forgetting things. I feel like I am constantly a day late and a dollar short. And that "LOVE" feeling isn't exactly what I was feeling on Valentine's Day. I wasn't even sure I wanted to go out to dinner. 


But is LOVE really something that can be limited to a "feeling". Let's take a look at what the Bible has to say about LOVE.  

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Hmmm...that doesn't sound like a "feeling" at all. It sounds more like an action. So maybe the reason I wasn't FEELING love is because I was neglecting to ACT in love. It is sure easy to be in love when everyone is happy and healthy, the house is clean, we are well rested, and getting along...but what about when are circumstances are less than perfect? What about when REALITY hits and the dishes are piling up and the trash is beginning to stink? What about when you've been up all night with a teething baby? What about when you and your husband have been so busy that you've barely had a chance to talk outside of whose turn it is to entertain the baby? And the list of challenges goes on...


It is in these tough moments though that TRUE love can be displayed. Isn't it true that while we were still sinners, Christ DIED for us? Isn't that the perfect example of love? Wow, I've definitely missed the mark with God SOOOO many times, yet he doesn't hold it against me and even DIED for me knowing that I would sin again and again.    


A friend recently asked me, which of these characteristics of love resonates most with me. I looked at each one and was blown away that I hadn't been acting in love in ANY of these ways! Many examples flooded my mind of "being easily angered", "being envious", and "keeping records of wrongs". I realized that instead of focusing on how I'd "lost that lovin' feeling", I needed to be LOVING my family the way that Christ loves us. 


I am so thankful for God's powerful word and specifically for this reminder of what LOVE really is.  Happy Late Valentine's Day. :) 

Links to other Milk Mama Diaries...

The Articulate Pen's Breastfeeding needs Patience

Diapers and Stethoscope's Back to Basic

My Mommyology's What I've Learned About Breastfeeding

Ms. Masungit's From One Mom To Another

The Odyssey of Dinna's Breastfeeding Words of Wisdom

Mrs. Bry126's We're All in this Together

I Am Clarice's Paying it Forward

My Mommy Kwentos' Sharing My Favorite Breastfeeding Advice

Planet Marsy's Better Than None

Mommy {T} Coach's Saved by the Nursing Mommas

Adventures on Planet Mom's Stubborn Me! Sure Glad I didn't give up

Nanaystrip's Eat Malunggay, Say "I Have Milk" and Love your Baby

Starting at Twenty-Five's My Husband's Best Breastfeeding Advice

Nanay *Loves* Purple's Why Attend Breastfeeding Class/Seminars

Truly Rich Mom's My Top 5 Breastfeeding Tips for New Moms

Legally Mama's Take it from the non-expert!

Mommy Mama Rat's My Breastfeeding Mantra

Mr. Jacob's Mom's Breastfeeding Tips from a Non-Breastfed Mommy

Hybrid Rasta Mama's Breastfeeding Lists, Advice, Links and More

Apples and Dumplings' One Word of Breastfeeding Advice

Touring Kitty's Just Do It

EthanMama's Only the Best for My Baby

the canDIshhh tales' My Breastfeeding Advice

Mec as Mom's Enough is Enough

Chronicles of a Nursing Mom's On Breastfeeding Number Two - Redux

Patience and Breast-friends.

"Welcome to the Milk Mama Diaries Carnival (February). For this month, we focus on back to basics. Participants will share advices - either the best breastfeeding advice they received OR/AND the best breastfeeding advice they can give to new moms.  Please scroll down to the end of the post to see the list of carnival entries."

All throughout my pregnancy I knew that I wanted to nurse Julian for a long time. My mind was made up about nursing because I knew all the health benefits for myself and that there was not a SUPERFOOD on this earth that I could give Julian that would compare with my own breastmilk. It was a no-brainer!

Breastfeeding has certainly brought it's share of challenges to me and to our family, however it has also brought us a lot of JOY! Today as I was cradling my little wiggle-worm and nursing him...I thought of all the hugs that I would have missed out on if I wasn't nursing him. It's hard to keep up with my little boy who is always on the move...but I get the special privilege of having extended time holding him up against me and cuddling with him several times a day and even at night. 

As a participant in the Milk Mama Diaries Carnival:

One challenge I had in the early months of nursing was being able to wear the right clothing and being able to nurse with ease in public. One of the most simple suggestions that a friend gave me ended up being some of the best advice. Here it is: TARGET nursing tanks and breastpads. This simple wardrobe change allowed me to be able to nurse him discreetly in public and always have my torso covered. It eliminated having to take off a shirt as well as a bra. Why didn't I think of that?? Now I just lift my shirt up and unsnap one side of the tank and we're ready to go!  

My 2 best words of advice for women who are breastfeeding would be: 

1. Be patient with yourself AND your baby. You are both learning something new and it may not flow perfectly the first time. For me anyway, it took a LOT of practice, patience, and persistence. 

2. Surround yourself with your BREAST-friends. These are the family and friends that encourage and support your decision to breastfeed. They are your cheerleaders when you have a cracked nipple. They are your support group when you are criticized by un-informed extended family members. It is Kelly-mom. It is all the breastfeeding blogs. It's your LC. My BREAST-friends have been out of this world amazing and have helped me push through tough times and make it to 8 months of breastfeeding and counting.

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Check out some other supportive and encouraging breastfeeding posts in my next post!

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First Time Mama Drama

Things that are on my mommy radar:

1. Sleeping at night: Julian is now 7 months old and just this week has shown us that he is capable of only waking up 2 times at night. I know many of you are wondering if you read that last sentence correctly. Yes...ONLY waking up 2 times a night. For us, that is a miracle. Even just a couple of weeks ago, he was waking and crying sometimes up to 6 times a night!! Sure, I've probably made my share of mistakes in precipitating this matter, but as a first time mom I didn't (and still don't) have all the answers. I have a lot of shoulda-coulda-wouldas, but I'm done dwelling on those now. It's a new dawn and a new day. We're proud of Julian's accomplishments in regard to sleeping this week and continue to hope and pray that it just keeps getting better.

2. Food: We've found a winner: Banana Puree! He LOVES it! Finally, something he will devour! We are also so thrilled that our doctor is completely on board with using breastmilk as his primary source of nutrition for now if that's what we want and just supplementing his diet with fruits and veggies as Julian shows interest. Our doctor made it clear that introducing fruits and vegetables is just to create Julian's palette for different tastes but his only nutritional requirement is breastmilk. He said eventually we can replace a feeding with an avocado since it has healthy fat in it that baby needs. The doctor supported not giving Julian grains yet as well. It felt good to know we're on the right track and I'm no longer worried or wondering if there's something different I should be doing.

3. Germs: OK, so how dangerous are germs? I can't spend my whole day cleaning and wiping down Julian's toys that he drops. When you think about it there's a lot of nasty yuck on the ground...but really do I have to wipe down everything everytime? Is it just a wive's tale that the germs will build up his immune system or am I just being naive?

4. Babyproofing: OMG, this has recently become such a battle! We knew our house wasn't babyproofed, but I am just shocked at the things Julian manages to find! Shoes, papers, cords, dvds, wii controllers, remotes, phones, magazines, vases,...and the list goes on! If it's not meant for him, you can bet that's the first thing he'll migrate towards. I am finding myself saying "nonono", but all the while realizing it's my fault for setting him up. You should see some of the makeshift babyproofing gadgets we've come up with! Why does he love crawling into the bathroom of all rooms? Why does he like hiding behind the couch? Why does he insist on kicking the papasan chair over? Why does he seem to enjoy hanging out right at the corners of shelves, tv stands, cabinets, etc? I could make an entire post on this topic...which I plan on doing soon...including all the hilarious pictures of Julian getting into places he shouldn't be.

Here's a pic of our sweet boy trying to scoot underneath the couch at a playdate with his cousin.

Who would have thought I could be a "lactivist"?

Who would have thought that I would become a "lactivist"? How is it that something that I really didn't give much thought about my entire life could be such a hot topic for me now? I guess because prior to having a baby and being a nursing mom I didn't pay much attention to the way that each mother chose to feed her baby. I think I remember times as a child that I witnessed women nursing in public and got the nervous giggles...because I was a child and thought it was funny to see part of a boob I guess. Thankfully once I became an adult, I matured beyond that and ceased to find humor in seeing a baby being fed. Now that I have taken a ride on the motherhood rollercoaster, I have a whole new perspective on the issue and am blown away by our society's views and often ignorance on breastfeeding. Case in point...the recent Target Scandal. And reading the almost 800 comments, mostly negative and hateful, towards breastfeeding mothers.

Here's how I see it: The way a mother chooses to feed her baby is her own decision and thankfully we have a legal right to nurse in public or I'm sure places would be kicking us out left and right. I personally would LOVE to always have a private place when I'm in public to nurse but unfortunately that is typically not the case. I have found back corners of restaurants, back hallways of businesses,  have sat in my car on numerous occasions, and have made all sorts of curtains/shields on airplanes thanks to whoever sits by me.  Of course, I think it's a good idea to cover yourself as much as possible; I am a modest woman. However, I do realize that sometimes it's hard to wear a nursing cover with a fidgety baby like my own. I just want people to know that as much as they don't want to see a nursing woman in public, I don't want them looking at me anyway....so wouldn't the world  be a more peaceful place if people would mind their own business and not look! That would benefit us all!

So, does it make me a "lactivist" because I want to be able to feed my baby when he's hungry despite where we are? I wouldn't think so...but it seems I've had to become one. There are too many nay-sayers out there and this is a cause worth fighting for. It's hard enough to make the decision to breastfeed without all the negativity from people who should not have a say in the matter and women need support, encouragement, and praise for making a healthy choice for their babies.

Here's my sweet boy after being nursed to sleep on a flight. I'm sure the same people who are annoyed that I nursed in public would have also been annoyed to hear him cry the whole flight had I not nursed him. Thankfully, God has blessed me on every flight with a pro-breastfeeding person to sit by...how blessed am I!!

Dear Julian...

Oh my goodness, 6 month old Julian! You are such a little handful! Your energy and spunk amaze me! Did I mention how gosh darn adorable you are? Everytime I look at you, I think to myself, "WOW, you couldn't be any cuter!"  What amazes me the most is your personality. You are a very funny guy. You like making the silliest noises and imitating me all the time. You love to laugh. You actually crack up at me all the time...like the real belly laughter. You have the brightest smile and you definitely make your presence known in a room....or building.  People are drawn to you and I really think you are going to shine LIGHT into people's lives throughout your lifetime. You are passionate and you love life. You love getting into everything and don't want to miss a thing...which is why it can be hard to contain you and to get you to sleep. While this wears Mommy out sometimes, I don't want you to lose your zeal.

I am praying that you'll be a passionate lover of Jesus all your days and you'll bring His light to dark places. I'm praying that you will be a great influencer for Christ and lives will change because of the HOPE that you can show people.

Love you, precious boy!

Food, Glorious Food.

When Julian was just about 6 months old, we introduced him to "solid food". We wanted to exclusively breastfeed him for 6 months as the AAP recommends and then start building his food repertoire. We first introduced him to an avocado. I mashed it up and mixed it with breastmilk until it was a puree consistency and fed it to him with a spoon. In this first experience, Julian had no idea what to do with the food in his mouth. His tongue immediately pushed it back out upon several of the offers and the other times the puree just kind of floated around in there before being drooled out. I decided he maybe wasn't totally ready for solids yet, but that we could keep trying a little each day just for fun and to give him the practice of moving food around in his mouth. Since then we've tried purees of the following: more avocado, peas, squash, carrots, and bananas. He has made some progress. He no longer demonstrates tongue thrust and he opens his mouth to receive the food more frequently. However, he just hasn't seemed too interested in spoon feeding and only eats a few offers before leaning back/closing lips/playing with whatever he can reach. Our best experience with purees was with the bananas (I'm guessing because they are sweeter). Another technique I used was giving him food that he could hold and manipulate on his own without me doing any of the work (other than supervising and guiding). I gave him large pieces of banana and avocado and also some mashed up banana and avocado to play with. The goal was to let him explore independently and let the feeding experience be more baby-led. It was fun although not much "eating" happened.  Today was our most successful experience so far. I cut up slices of apples and let him hold them and suck on them himself. He LOVED it and sucked on them for several minutes. Then to combine textures and tastes, I smeared avocado puree on the apples for him to lick and suck.  To my surprise, he liked it too. Then I was able to give him mashed up avocado bites on a spoon in between his apple sucks. Once again, he readily accepted. We are having so much fun playing with our food!!

Breast Success.

In my last post, I wrote about my woes with breastfeeding. Julian wasn't nursing well and I was so exhausted from pumping all the time. Since then there's been a HUGE turn-around! On October 31, upon Ross's and my return from our nightmarish trip to Boston, Julian readily accepted my breast when I offered it to him. It was the best welcome home gift I could have ever asked for! From that moment on, he began nursing. What?? Who ever heard of a 5 month old, go back to the breast after being bottle-fed most of his life. It's like he knew exactly what I needed. Even though we had just returned from Boston, we were leaving the very next day to fly to St. Louis to see my dad in the hospital. While we were in Boston, he was in a work accident, was electrocuted with 7200 watts of electricity, and although, badly burned, survived.  Julian, my family, and I were basically living in the waiting room of the Burn Unit in the hospital waiting on updates from doctors and nurses on how he was doing. It would have been a nightmare trying to pump in the hospital, keep bottles sanitized, and keep milk refrigerated and Julian must have known that I needed him. He nursed the whole trip! I felt such a sense of accomplishment...not that I did anything special for this to happen, but just accomplished that I didn't give up. And I felt sooo proud, and still feel so proud, of Julian every time he nuzzles up to me to eat. There is such a payoff now. Before, breastfeeding was like a thorn in my side but now it brings me so much joy. I have a renewed passion for breastfeeding and a renewed confidence to nurse in public. On all of our trips home to Illinois, I get some sort of criticism about breastfeeding. From, "Ewww" + gagging face and noises to "Just give him some formula".  But it just fuels my fire to keep doing it. I am loving this poem from Peaceful Parenting....Breastfeeding to the tune of Dr. Suess. (Author Unknown)

Would you nurse him in the park?

Would you nurse him in the dark?

Would you nurse him with a Boppy?

And when your boobs are feeling floppy?

I would nurse him in the park,

I would nurse him in the dark.

I’d nurse with or without a Boppy.

Floppy boobs will never stop me!

Can you nurse with your seat belt on?

Can you nurse from dusk till dawn?

Though he may pinch me, bite me, pull,

I will nurse him 'till he’s full.

Can you nurse and make some soup?

Can you nurse and feed the group?

It makes him healthy strong and smart,

Momma’s milk is the right start!

Would you nurse him at the game?

Would you nurse him in the rain?

In front of those who dare complain?

I would nurse him at the game.

I would nurse him in the rain.

As for those who protest lactation,

I have the perfect explanation:

Momma’s milk is tailor made

It’s the perfect food, you need no aid.

Some may scoff and some may wriggle,

Avert their eyes or even giggle.

To those who can be cruel and rude,

Remind them breast’s the perfect food!

I would never scoff or giggle,

Roll my eyes or even wiggle!

I would not be so crass or crude,

I KNOW that this milk’s the perfect food!

Making just the amount that we need

Perfect temp for every feed.

There’s no compare to milk from breast -

It's real baby food! No contest.

Those sweet nursing smiles are oh so sweet,

Momma’s milk is such a treat.

Human milk just can’t be beat.

Oh, I will nurse, in any case,

On the street or in your face.

I will not let my baby cry,

I’ll meet his needs, I’ll always try.

It’s not about what’s good for you,

It’s for my babies, through and through.

I will nurse him in my home,

I will nurse him when I roam.

Leave me be lads and ma’am.

I will nurse him, MOM I AM.

Haha..here we are in the hospital with our first battle with breastfeeding. Julian was in the deepest sleep and could not be woken up to eat. Here we are trying skin to skin and syringe feeding...because I felt so pressured to feed the baby! I had pumped some colostrum to feed him and the nurses backed off about giving him formula or sugar-water. 

EP-ing: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

EP-ing, a term I wish I didn't even know, stands for "Exclusive Pumping". My Medela Pump In Style Advanced was at one time my best friend. When my baby wasn't latching when we were still in the hospital and I didn't want to be accused of starving my child, I was able to pump some of my liquid gold and give it to Julian in a syringe. When one of my nipples became so cracked and the open wound made it unbearable to nurse, the pump made it possible for me to still express milk and keep up with giving Julian my milk. But on the other hand, all that drama has made Julian prefer the bottle to the breast from the beginning of his life and making it a battle between him and I from day one.  I would LOVE nothing more than to be able to nurse this child for as long as my milk is flowing, but it's just near impossible to nurse him! Sometimes he'll nurse in the middle of the night and sometimes if I've been home with him all day he'll be patient enough for the breast, but the vast majority of the time, he will just refuse by arching his back, crying, head butting me, hitting me, and doing whatever he can to try to escape me.  So, the pump, although a double-edged sword, has allowed me to keep giving my baby breast-milk.

Now, let's just talk about the picture I shared above. It is sooo not like this. Unless you wear button down shirts and bras with holes in the front...this is not how it looks! Also, are you really going to just sit out in the living room with your shirt wide open and suction cups sucking milk from your body and your stomach that has just birthed a baby out there for all the world to see? I guess if it's just you and the baby maybe so, but it seemed like for me, there was always someone in and out of my house, which puts me back in a bedroom alone with my pump. Sob story, sorry.

We're 4 1/2 months into this mothering thing and I'm so glad he's gotten the food that nature has intended for him. I am just wondering how much more of this I can take!!! I feel sooo tied down to this pump.    It makes it so hard to just relax because I'm always trying to squeeze in pumping session and making sure I have enough milk ready to go for him. That noise, and if you've ever pumped, you know what I'm talking about, just makes me cringe. Hauling around that stupid bag , washing the flanges a bajillion times a day, and then having to wash bottles as well, is sucking the life out of me. (no pun intended).

So are there any other moms out there who also have this dilemma. Anyone else out there pumping in silence? Well, I just wanna say, that we're in this together...if you exist. And I'm still not giving up! When I think I can't hook myself up to that darn machine one more time...I just do it and then again and again, because what's the alternative? I am not ready to deprive my baby of the best source of nutrition out there. Knowing that I willingly stopped giving Julian all the enzymes and antibodies that fight off infection is just not something I can let myself do right now. So, I'll keep pumping away and be thankful that I am able to give my baby the health benefits of breastmilk. Just look at this healthy boy! :)

Cry It Out...no more.

After 2 sleepless weeks of trying to get Julian to Cry It Out. I am reverting to our more peaceful previous approach. Maybe I'll be waking up to feed him more, but at least he won't be damaging his vocal folds from crying for hours.  Julian, Mommy's num nums are back. Here's my new inspiration:  

Mother, O' Mother, come shake out your cloth,

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth.

Hang out the washing, make up the bed,

Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,

Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due,

Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek - peekaboo.

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew,

And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo.

But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?

Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,

But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

~ Ruth Hulbert Hamilton

Friday Favorites

1. "She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."   Proverbs 31:25


A friend shared this with me today and I was very blessed by it. There are so many times in mommyhood when I'm feeling lots of anxiety, but I am working to find a positive confession each day even when I'm not totally feeling it. This verse is what I'm striving for. 

2. Coos and goos.


Even though Julian has a runny nose, cough, and fever for the first time today, he has been singing a sweet and tired tune all day. I love this little man. 

3. My sister.


She is the ultimate servant and has helped me in countless ways the past 4 months without a grumble.  I do not deserve her, but I am so blessed by her and thankful for her presence here in Dallas. This week she babysat Julian for me on Wednesday. Then she stayed all night because I wanted her to watch a tv show with me but we weren't able to start it until super late (courtesy of Julian). Then she helped Ross and I in the wee hours of the morning, when Julian decided to cry from 4am-6am.  It doesn't end there...she ended up staying most of Thursday with me even though she needed to prepare for her friend coming into town because I was in a total funk and she just knew I needed a companion. She did my laundry, my dishes, and washed Julian's bottles numerous times. 

4. Cookie dough. 


When all else fails:  pre-made cookie dough. Probably not the best choice, but it met a need for me yesterday.

The Accidental Parent

I recently read a book by "The Baby Whisperer" since we're struggling a little in the sleep department. Julian was taking some long stretches while sleeping in his swing, but sadly he is going to outgrow it soon! We decided we have to just draw the line and make him sleep in his crib.  My sister-in-law has had some success with this book and had found lots of helpful tips in it. The main idea I got from the book, though, is that I'm a victim of "accidental parenting". When I told Ross, his response was "Oops, I'm a parent". Very funny... My interpretation of our parenting was more like "Trial and Error Parenting" or "Instinctual Parenting", but, no, it's "accidental" meaning we do what works for us in the moment.

He slept better in my arms as a newborn, so I let him.
He slept more peacefully in his swing, so I let him.
He likes a bottle to soothe himself to sleep, so I give it to him.

However, now I have a baby that sleeps for short stretches in the night and wakes up frequently only to want to eat and even then stays awake for hours because he's not able to soothe himself back to sleep.

All that to say, we are undergoing a modified "baby bootcamp" right now. It would be waaaayyyy to much for us to follow this book's total philosophy. Even though the idea of having a baby who sleeps from 11pm to 7am and who takes two 1 1/2 hour naps a day and a little "hour catnap" in the evening sounds super tempting. I just don't know if it's realistic for us and I don't want to just totally pull out the rug from under Julian all at once. We are starting with just getting him to sleep in his crib at night and during naps. When he wakes up we can rock him and shush him, but ultimately he has to go back in the crib. I'll let you know how things go after a week of this.

Who would have thought this little nugget could be such a handful??

Every good and perfect gift is from above!

The wild ride of life as Julian's mommy continues. At 14 weeks (just over 3 months), he is doing so many wonderful things! He just started rolling over from tummy to back and from back to tummy. He is starting to support his head, neck, and trunk while sitting up on his own, too. Of course we have to prop him quite a bit, but he is constantly showing us in new ways how strong he is! I included a sweet little video of one of his first times rolling from tummy to back.

My biggest challenge (second to breastfeeding), is sleeping, well, the lack-there-of. I am really hoping he starts sleeping for longer stretches soon. I have been so tired, dirty, unproductive, and crabby which lead me to having not-so-good feelings.  However, I am hopeful. I can see that he changes every day and this is just something else that I know will come to pass. Last night, I let him sleep in his swing (after trying to keep him in his crib for the past couple of weeks) and he slept until 4:50 am. It was beautiful and I am so thankful to God for that gift!

I started back to work 2 full days a week and so far I think I'm going to like it. I felt a little guilty the first day of work because I enjoyed being away from home and from Julian. I am realizing though that work may provide me with the balance I need to be a good mommy too.  Every one is different and I think each mom just has to find what works for her family. For the time being, working part time is what works for us. It totally helps me knowing that he is with his Mimi, who would go to the ends of the earth for him,  when he's not with me, too. What a blessing!

Well, so much for "me" time, it's time to tidy up the house a bit before baby stirs from his nap. :)

Dear Julian...

Dear Julian,

Tomorrow you will be 10 weeks old. You are a 2 month old now...not a newborn! You bring me so much joy every day with your sweet little hands and feet, your giant smile, and your baby blue eyes. Your coos and goos just melt my heart.

You wake up each morning with a sweet smile on your face. Even though I'm usually exhausted, you just light up the room with your joy. I can't help but love on you.

You are starting to get interested in your activity mat and are able to even occupy yourself for a bit playing with your hanging animals. You are just learning to grasp objects and I can tell you are working really hard to gain more hand-eye coordination. You are really into your hands now and you have been drooling so much! Surely you aren't teething yet...right??

Even though you don't like tummy time for too long, you are soooo good at it! You can hold your head up so high for so long. I am so proud of how strong you are.

You have the most gorgeous long eyelashes. They are a nice complement to your big shining baby blues. Your doctor even called you "handsome" and "a flirt". I was so glad she got to see what a sweet personality you have.

I like to call you "Curious George" sometimes because you are so curious about your environment. You like to face outwards when we hold you so you can see the world. I can tell you are studying everything around you by the way you look at things so carefully.

You have a beautiful voice. Daddy and I love having "conversations" with you. The back and forth noise making is so fun. We've also caught you singing along with me when I'm singing. You are very good!

I am excited to see how you'll change over the next month and feel so blessed that you are developing so wonderfully. I can't believe how fast it's all going!! I'll love you forever and ever and you'll always be my baby boy.

Love,

Mommy

Baby Bounce Basics: some babies bounce, my baby sleeps

Today I mustered up the courage to take Julian on an outing to the mall. I needed a little exercise and we both needed a new environment. We ventured to the mall and they just so happened to have a baby class happening in the mall library. Of course, we decided to join in.

I first noticed all of the strollers parked outside the library. Is this ok? I felt a little exposed just leaving my stroller and babies goodies out in the hallway of the mall, but it seemed like it was the thing to do. Silly mommy didn't bring a purse or diaper bag inside and so I just left everything in the basket under the stroller and covered it up. Then I parked my stroller alongside the other 25 strollers and picked up my sweet boy to go inside.

Sweet little boy had a nice surprise for me in his diaper though...and on his onesie...and in the carseat. I thought it probably wasn't good manners to bring my poopy pants boy into the library, so we loaded back up in the stroller and found the nearest bathroom. We cleaned ourselves up (for the most part) and headed back to the library.

Just then my sweetness remembered he was hungry. Never fear...super-mommy had the bottle ready to go and I carried my little bugger and his bottle into the library where songs had already begun and a woman was handing out scarves and egg-shakers. Hmmm...where is my third arm when I need it?

Baby boy and I sat in the back row and started our bottle. It started getting pretty loud with the music playing, mommies singing, and kids yelling. It didn't seem to bother my baby at all. He just sucked down his bottle and then fell right asleep. It just didn't seem right to wake him up so I just sat there and took a mental note of all the songs so I could try to learn them all for the next week. I was surprised that we weren't the youngest there. There were several babies that looked about Julian's age or younger. In fact, there was one 3 week old there. I made sure to tell that mommy "way to go!".

Even though my little bug didn't participate the same way the others did, I felt like it was a success. We got out of the house. We dealt with everything that came our way. And I had a good time. Even though Julian slept for the most part, he was so laid back and enjoyed his experience. Maybe he'll even stay awake next time! So proud of this boy!

Sing a song of.....how's that go again???

I love to sing. Mostly in my car and in the shower...but I love to sing. I've always dreamed of all the great songs I'd be able to sing to Julian from Christian songs that are rich with Biblical truths to Broadway showtunes to popular radio hits. But now that he's here, when it comes time to sing a lullaby my mind goes BLANK!! What is going on??? I sit down in the rocker to soothe my baby to sleep and the only songs that come to mind are soooo strange like "On the Good Ship Lollipop" and "The Ants Go Marching". What's the deal? Has anyone else experienced this wierd phenomenon?

Dear Julian...

Dear Julian,
Today you are 6 weeks and 1 day old. You are such a sweet boy and mommy loves you. I am completely shocked at how time has flown by since you were born. I can't believe how big you are already and how you change each and every day. I love how you make such good eye contact with me and I love the way your little lips look when you smile. I love how you make little ooo's and ahh's and grunts to talk to me. I am so proud of all your accomplishments. You have a strong neck and you make great efforts to hold your head up all the time. When I lay you on your tummy you can turn your head from side to side and lift your neck up. You are so social. When we talk to you, you turn your head and look at our faces. You even look back and forth between two people who are talking. For the last few weeks, you've been pretty fussy in the evenings, but I can tell you are starting to grow out of that. Last night you only fussed for about an hour and were soothed by sucking, shushing, swaying, swaddling, and being on your side. I'm always thankful when we find things that can soothe you. You really enjoy being outside. Someday you'll have to tell me why. Is it because of the heat? Or do you like the noises the cicadas make? Or do you just like looking up at the sky and at the trees? Soon it will be cooler and I'll let you stay outside longer, I promise. You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to your daddy and me and we are so thankful and blessed that God has allowed us to bring you into this world and raise you. You are our little angel baby.

Love,
Mommy